Feelings, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized

Misunderstandings

Have you ever had good intentions, but they were perceived as bad ones?  I rememer one time while visiting a friend in Utah, I thought I was helping out with laundry one day and switched loads for someone.  I took their clothes out of the dryer and hung them up and put what was in the washer in the dryer.  Later on, I found out that I had ruined her laundry because she didn’t want it in the dryer.  I felt so awful, but I honestly was just trying to help out.  My good intentions were now taken as something mean and evil and I truly didn’t mean it that way at all.

Once I asked someone at work if they were ok, because they looked like they were having a bad day.  She told me I had totally offended her and that I should never speak to her again.  GAH!  I only meant concern.  I went into the bathroom and cried all day.

When someone get’s upset with you over something like that, there really isn’t a whole lot you can do about it.  Misunderstandings happen all the time, all you can do is say you are sorry and pray that the other person will forgive you.  It isn’t up to you at all at that point but totally in the other person’s hands.

I hate when this happens, but it happens all the time.  I say the wrong things, do the wrong things, ask the wrong things, offer the wrong things.  I have learned that you just can’t stress about it.

People who know you will understand that it was not a bad intention, people who don’t won’t.  There is nothing you can do.  Say you are sorry and try to move on.   The only problem is that now I don’t help with laundry anymore.  If I do, I will ask first.  It has kind of hardened me to be helpful or sensitive to others in this way.  I am a little tip toey in relationships now.  Do I invite?  Do I call?  Do I try to help out with this or that?  Ugh.  Life is just too short.

 

 

4 thoughts on “Misunderstandings”

  1. It took a licensed professional to help me understand this. For years I was an out-of-control people-pleaser. I couldn’t stand the thought that someone had misunderstood my actions or words or that someone had a bad opinion of me. It would bother me, and I would do any number of things to try and get on that person’s good side again – even if I didn’t think it was entirely my fault.
    It wasn’t until fairly recently that I’ve been trying to “live with disapproval”. To not obsess when someone misunderstands something and writes me off as a result. To try and go on like normal while knowing someone doesn’t like me. It’s. Really. Hard. Sometimes I manage well, and sometimes I find myself still obsessing despite my efforts.
    And you’re completely right. If someone loves you and values your friendship, they’ll work to clear up a misunderstanding just as much as you will. And yes, if they’ll write you off for something trivial then they didn’t value the relationship as much as you in the first place – so don’t stress. They sure aren’t.
    It took years but I finally realized what I was doing as a people-pleaser. It went well beyond the fear of someone not liking me. I was afraid of the “one strike and you’re out” attitude. I was afraid of being abandoned. Being a people-pleaser was like trying to build up stock in a relationship so when that inevitable misunderstanding took place then maybe they would like me enough not to abandon me.

    Liked by 1 person

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