So, it’s not a surprise that I have a lot of personality traits that annoy people. I am rather needy in my relationships with people, I apologize for everthing, I often feel I have made people mad, I am a people pleaser, etc. This is just who I am. I am researching why I’m like this and so far I have found that I have all the personality traits of someone who has been abused either mentally or physically, and I exhibit all the characteristics of someone who has been through a traumatic experience.
I will not apologize anymore for being this way. I will say that I am working on these things, and hopefully 2018 will be a better year. I don’t remember any traumatic events from my childhood, but as a young adult I was beaten and emotionally abused by my first husband. Maybe this is why I constantly worry about being abandoned. Maybe this is why I am so afraid of losing people. Maybe this is why I feel so alone. I don’t know.
This is me, people either love me or they hate me, but I can’t change who I am. I am happy to say that the people I am close to are loving and accepting. I don’t have to be anxious around them, they know my past and accept me for these things. These are the people I will try to stay around. I can’t work on myself if I am constantly worried about my relationship with someone. I am very sensitive to how people think, I am very aware when someone wants distance. I will gladly give it to you, because this year I will take care of myself.
Pray for me as I work on my anxiety this year. Pray for me as I dive deeper into the holes and brokeness of my being. I am working on it, and the people who know this will be there for me.