Friends & Family

This is me

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So, it’s not a surprise that I have a lot of personality traits that annoy people.  I am rather needy in my relationships with people, I apologize for everthing, I often feel I have made people mad, I am a people pleaser, etc.  This is just who I am.  I am researching why I’m like this and so far I have found that I have all the personality traits of someone who has been abused either mentally or physically, and I exhibit all the characteristics of someone who has been through a traumatic experience.

I will not apologize anymore for being this way.  I will say that I am working on these things, and hopefully 2018 will be a better year.  I don’t remember any traumatic events from my childhood, but as a young adult I was beaten and emotionally abused by my first husband.  Maybe this is why I constantly worry about being abandoned.  Maybe this is why I am so afraid of losing people.  Maybe this is why I feel so alone.  I don’t know.

This is me, people either love me or they hate me, but I can’t change who I am.  I am happy to say that the people I am close to are loving and accepting.  I don’t have to be anxious around them, they know my past and accept me for these things.  These are the people I will try to stay around.  I can’t work on myself if I am constantly worried about my relationship with someone.  I am very sensitive to how people think, I am very aware when someone wants distance.  I will gladly give it to you, because this year I will take care of myself.

Pray for me as I work on my anxiety this year.  Pray for me as I dive deeper into the holes and brokeness of my being.  I am working on it, and the people who know this will be there for me.

 

1 thought on “This is me”

  1. I love your transparency and that you are determined to work on self-care this coming year. It’s a noble and lovely goal. I will be praying for you, Mary Beth!

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