Feelings

Getting rid of toxic people

I have always prayed that I would be a sweet joyful person, however I have a face that sometimes reflects anger and meanness.  I am often asked am I ok, or accused of being too serious.  I worry about this a lot.  I love people, and always treat people with respect; however some people do bring out the worst in me.  Is it their behavior?  Or truly am I a mean person filled with anger and bitterness?  Sometimes I feel as though it is me, and even when I try really hard to be quiet and kind, I find myself acting petty and childish.  It doesn’t take much for my mouth to reflect what I am feeling inside either, soon it all comes out.  (Usually, not in a nice way).  Afterwards, I feel terrible and guilty and shameful because I have spoken things that I should have been quiet about.

It is no secret that my mother in law drives me crazy.  She is a passive aggressive person and does not like me.  This weekend was one of those weekends where I let my emotions get the best of me.  I deleted and blocked her on Facebook, and then proceeded to send a text to her telling her why.  Now I am feeling guilty.  Did she bring out the bad in me or was the bad always there?

I am starting over today.  I am praying that I will have peace with my decision and continue to move forward.  I am determined not to let all this occupy my mind as I usually let it do in the past.  I am going to be more focused on being nice and joyful for myself and those around me.

 

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